The Great Glass Mountain - Session Eleven

The Company traveled east from the Screaming Seer's Sanctum and followed the river into the mountains. Their quest was for the Beast but to reach it they had to travel up treacherous mountain paths and places where there was no path. There were places a man could jump but a horse could not be induced to leap and land safely on the other side. Autolykos led them through places that looked impassible and turned them back when it looked safe but really wasn't.

 

In the mountains the water pooled at the bottom of a waterfall. Bones whirled in the water and hogs dragged the corpse of a mountain lion ashore to gnaw it. Whatever killed it was at the top of the waterfall, so that's where the Company went.

 

At the top, the opening in the rock face was large enough for a bear and then some. Auckland recognized it from his dreams. He was used to seeing it from the other side, looking out. The Knights didn't want to enter the cave and fight the monster on its own turf, so Tiber taunted it to draw it out.

 

The beast leaped from atop the cliff and fell on top of the Salt Knight. It had been waiting for the Company to go inside so it could trap them. 

 

Riverboat Gambler - Session Three

Aphono, Datura, Jack, Roddy and Zigar got in a longboat and crossed the river to the cliff where the red energy blast had opened a hole into the dungeon within. They rowed and hiked and climbed up the talus pile formed by the explosion and when they got to the hole they found tracks leading inside. Someone had beat them to it as they crossed over from the Mastaba. Two groups of humanoids.

 
Someone shouted from deeper in the underground complex. Another muffled explosion followed it, making the cliff shake.

Riverboat Gambler - Session Two

van der Poel

 

Aphono, Jack, Roddy and Datura sailed up the River Hog through the night. The night brought Ghouls who howled from the riverbanks at the blue glow illuminating the steam from the reactor, thinking it a third moon. Dawn brought giant scorpions out from under the rocks on shore. By day they came across a Grain Cult gunboat, shorn of its mast and anchored by the muddy riverbank. Captain Belkin of the Bread Box explained to the Gamblers that Aldrich's barge of Giants had crippled their vessel with a thrown lightning bolt from extreme range. They were patrolling the river for him and for other hazards, such as the Blue Dragon flying overhead or the savage tribes infesting the desert beyond. The Gamblers hitched the Bread Box to the Last Round and towed them upriver to the nearest village. The Iron Cup outlet served coffee and the Halflings played marching songs with Datura.

PROVENDER: A Parka Worn Backwards

thefirsttinghewasawareofwashisownhandexploringthecontoursofthebonesinsidethemaninfrontofhimandallhecouldfeelwasajoythathnowhewasaliveandadesiretoknowthefaceofhisfatherbutthefacewasobscuredandhisfathercasthimawayintothedarkandemptyspaceabove

PROVENDER: From These Dreams You Don't Wake Up

Marc rolled his mousewheel and chewed through the backscroll since he last visited. It had been hell finding the page. There was a chance every time that the server had been nuked and his account with it. 

Not much discussion. The usual debate about whether it was the real thing. It was an interesting discussion but it wasn't the point. The current streak was still twelve nights in a row, but the guy had stopped posting.

Enough dicking around. Pinned messages.

He fullscreened the webm and it played automatically.

Fighting Fantasy Introductory RPG: Into The Nest

Enormous burrowing insects have exposed the entrance to an ancient tomb. Only a greedy fool would descend into the bug infested hole to pillage the treasure therein. 

 

PROVENDER: False Retreat

Dune predicted that any genuine discovery of the New Age would be co opted by The Man. Psychedelic drugs, tantric sex, yoga, the human potential movement, it would all serve the interests of billion dollar corporations and government conspiracies. 

 

Today instead of maintaining adequate staffing levels, companies use "mindfulness" to fight burnout. Programmers microdose LSD to make themselves more productive. And Movement Medicine instructor Edwina "Ed" Christ holds ecstatic dance retreats to help employees of billion dollar firms open their third eye.

The Great Glass Mountain - Session Ten

Tiber the Salt Knight stood outside the grotto at Eldermass, the Conclave of Seers. The Screaming Seer leaned against the cave entrance, not screaming. It looked like he was crying but when he saw the Salt Knight he got it together and passed him a note.

 

Riverboat Gambler - Session 1

Five adventurers gathered on the deck of the timberclad gunboat Last Round as it sailed up the Hog delta and into the mouth of the river proper.

• Aphono, Elf
• Datura, Elf
• Jack Fatherd, Coureur des bois
• Roddy Applecreek, Mad bomber
• Zigar Kneecapper, Reformed thug

Their mission: to hunt down and kill the criminal mastermind Aldrich Deathsbane, human king of Giants, and claim the bounty on his hide. With them, a crew of nineteen Halflings and a single human. Survivors from Roddy's village or the surrounding farms destroyed by the Giants during the Marriage of the Giantess Morwenna. They brought muskets, magic spells, a pair of swivel guns and a cannon mounted to a rotating turret. They sailed under steam, powered by a slime that heated water poured into a boiler. 

The land around the river was cut with wadis and arroyos, channels where the river once flowed. A caravan of wild camels came to the shore to drink, drawing curious Halflings. Distant mountains gleamed marble-white to the southwest. The chaotic terrain gave way to flat plains and an oasis where the adventurers watched a crimson death worm ambush a wallowing wildebeest, then fall beneath the hooves and horns of its fellow ungulates. Most life on the Plain was concentrated around the river and after the wildebeest came herd of elephants. The Hobbits were astonished. Some pointed their guns, afraid that they might shoot fire from their trunks or launch their tusks like flying spears. Jack reassured them. Elephants were herbivores, gentle and even kind unless roused to a killing frenzy by a threat to the herd.

 

The elephants thought the boat was another elephant. The calves trumpeted and the adults flicked their ears in a futile attempt at communication.

 

PROVENDER: Dharmapala

 
PhD student Lara “Lagartija” Schliemann came to Buckshaw Island with her UNLP biology class to catalog the island’s unique plants and animals. Buckshaw is sometimes called Ultima Thule for its position one island south of Thule, in the Sandwich archipelago between Argentina and Antarctica. The last update from expedition mentioned a “crashed submarine” found in a sea cave. Ominous glowing slime smeared in frozen streaks around the site prompted the professor to evacuate the cavern. He had a devil of a time stopping the rambunctious doctoral students from sneaking back to take pictures and snatch “artifacts”.

Months later, search and rescue ships found their shelters and equipment intact but abandoned. There was no sign of the researchers or the mysterious cave they found. The search was called off due to encroaching ice which would have trapped Naval Prefecture rescue team on the island. The Argentine government blamed the UK for the disappearance.

The second group to disappear was a shipload of salvagers from Ushuaia. They never told anyone where they were going, afraid someone would loot the site before them.

 

Riverboat Gambler: Hex Travel and Ship Travel

When Diogo saw the column of ashes upheld the wind he thought the land was being scourged. The land was always being scourged. It was scourged by the undead and it was scourged by the hogs. The barge of giants scourged it when they passed by and the Threshers chased after them with literal scourges in hand. 

The column of ashes came out of a boat that came around the bend. By that point he was already hiding in the reeds. Discharging his musket would sound the alarm, if nobody else had already seen the smoke. It would also let them know where he was hiding. So he waited to see what happened.

The boat was propelled by a pair of huge discs that rotated to churn the water. The discs spun by themselves. Diego imagined that inside the boat was a very strong and very fast monster who ran in a wheel. The boat drifted toward the riverbank and stopped close enough to let down a gangway onto the solid part of the bank. Down the plank came the first member of the shore party. She wore a buffcoat and a belt with a small disc shaped shield and a knife that looked like a short sword on her hip. Over this she wore an apron with an image of a goblet clasped in a merciless fist. She carried a metal urn that steamed. A human followed her. He wore his apron over mail and carried another urn in one hand and a folding table in the other. He deployed the table and on the table the urns. The half-woman returned with cups of lightweight metal.

The Clerics had taught Diogo to read. He could make out THE LAST ROUND on the side of the boat but he was too far to read the embossed characters on the sides of the urns.

 

The smell hit him and he almost fainted. His first instinct was to spring from cover, no longer afraid, and beg for a cup. The Goddess was good and brought fourth things to nourish man. Nothing that smelled so good could be poison. The ones who brought it could not be evil. 

 

Riverboat Gambler - D6 Bounty Hunters and Their Ships

Mather Brown

 

By night the Great House of stone with its many statues poled its way up the river. Inside the old man leaned on his short staff in front of the altar and sung the story of the Despoina in the halls of the Hoard King. He told the story to the statues and he told it to the wind and the night creatures. It was an old story and a long one but he remembered it word for word by striking the staff on the ground at regular intervals to keep the meter. He spoke to the idol and hoped she liked the story, since it was about her sister who she had not seen in a long time. The wood was so old and so stained with soot from countless burnt offerings that it was almost shapeless. The shadow cast by the flame was sharper. He could just make out her shield and her helmet.

 

Something flew into the temple. As he had done in a thousand ambushes he flung himself to the floor and crawled toward his panoply. He counted on the bronze statues of the temple to keep the intruder busy until he could gird himself with domed shield and curved sword. The bronze men rested their bronze bows at their sides and did nothing. He looked up from the floor and saw a little owl perched on the statue.

For a moment he let himself hope. But it wasn't her. It couldn't be her because she would have appeared sooner if she had the power. If she had the power to send the little owl to listen to the story then she wouldn't have left him alone with only her shadow.

 

He stood. As he often did, he told the bronze men to burn him on the altar when he died. The bronze men said nothing. The owl said nothing. The stone women pulled the Great House up the river one handful of water at a time.

PROVENDER: Three Rites of Death

Mowry

 

After the sun fell down the view was nonexistent. Black mountains, black sky, black clouds, black stars. I was exhausted after the plane and the shuttle and the endless forest service roads giving way to private gravel driveways. All I wanted to do was sleep. But the festivities had already begun and I didn't want anyone narcing to my boss that I had skipped out on the first training. Better to merge with the crowd and slip away once I'd been counted present. 

 

The venue was a handsome alpine lodge, mutilated with modern decor that gave it the feel of a hotel conference room. The facilitators wore slippery yellow robes like raincoats. They smiled like you do when someone takes too long in front of you in line. One shoved a table and folded the area rug back in place with a foot. It had been misaligned. The other listened at the door. It was performative because we could all hear it.

 

bam bam bam bambambam bam bam bambambam bam bam

 

I couldn't tell if the heavy wooden element at chest level was a handle or a bar to hold the door shut from the outside. He pulled on it and it opened without a sound.

 

It took me a second to understand what I was looking at. Bodies packed so tight they couldn't possibly move but moving nonetheless. Thrashing and stomping. Carried forward and being carried in turn. A swirling dark pattern to fill the windowless and almost unlit space. The whirling ant mill implied an eye of the storm at the center but promised annihilation to anyone who tried to swim through the mass and reach it.

  

There was a little light from somewhere. There must have been or I couldn't see it. There was enough that I recognized someone in the crowd. I remembered her from the ride up, the only person in the van who listened attentively to the concierge's excited lecture. Something about a dolmen beneath the lodge, preserved in its original condition in a high ceilinged chamber beneath the original structure and still enclosed today a century later. She had gone up ahead of me and now she flashed before my gaze. Bruised face slick with drool, bedroom eyes half lidded. She snapped away into the human current and I was back on my uncle's farm. Watching him slam the emergency stop a moment after the farmhand disappeared beneath the grain. Like it could reverse the arc. Bear the man up out of the silo. Un-collapse his lungs.

I turned to yell at the raincoats. To do something. Pull the fire alarm. Call a time out. Like hell was I going in there.

I didn’t see who shoved me.

The Great Glass Mountain - Session Nine

 

The Company recovered from injuries sustained in the tournament. They noted a strange woman who treated Tiber's wounds. They couldn't get a good look at her face and said something that convinced Tiber to leave with her. 

Per tradition the Glass Knight opened the Feast of the Stars by distributing accolades to those who had best served the realm. For retrieving the Crown and restoring his faculties, the Glass Knight promoted Tiber and Auckland to his council. He thanked Ada for taking care of him for many years but couldn't promote her because she was already his right hand. He also thanked the deceased Pearl Knight Lauder for saving his wife from the Underworld and his daughter Gert for taking over the holding at Cuganscove. 

 

Riverboat Gambler: Keyed Map

No more fiction. What happens next will be decided by the actions of the players.

 

The Great Glass Mountain - Session Eight

The Knights made the most of the time between summer and autumn. 

• Auckland explored the southeast of the realm in search of the beast. He found no tracks but knew it was around somewhere, dormant for the time being. He did find the abode of the Screaming Seer, a shepherd's hut and a dune full of quicksand. 
• Tiber got lots in the woods to find the Goblin and his apprentice Kemp. The Goblin forgot how much energy twelve year olds had. Kemp could already be in two places at once and used this power to regale the Salt Knight from both sides with a list of lost items he collected. He could visit his family any time he wanted but was distracted with the new powers of Goblinhood. The Goblin admitted he would have tried to kidnap Valenta next, but didn't have to worry about that now. He had his succession secured and soon he would go down into the earth never to be seen again.
• Valenta went to Cuganscove in the Southwest and asked her daughter Gert to send caravans to Sparenot's orchard to buy her cider. When she visited the orchard she found the remaining family clearing the last fruit off the trees. A pear fell down and scared a kitten who was hiding among the roots. The animal assumed the green fruit was a snake. 

With all that handled they arrived at the Glass Mountain the night before the Feast of the Stars. Valenta remembered a patch of exterior wall that concealed a sally port. She hammered on it with the secret knock and a servant let her in. She asked him to take their horses around to the main gate while the Company went to talk with the King.

 

Into The Odd: The Unquiet Tomb

 

The Brilg and Spowegg expedition to Hogman's Plain was going great. The desert was lethally hot by day and infested with undead by night, but the gunboat cared not for either as it motored up the River Hog. When three of the crew disappeared in the night, the Captain of the Rent Seeker wasn't fazed. He sent three of his top explorers ashore to follow the mysterious tracks into the cliffs above the river: The Janitor, the Pistoleer and the Grenadier.

 

The footprints led to an opening in the rock, tall enough for a man to enter at a crouch. A heap of scorched human and humanoid bones lay outside the entrance. The space inside was dimly lit by a red glow from the passages beyond. The shore party entered the tomb. 

 

Riverboat Gambler: Travel and Terrain

Another erg

Another erg

Another erg

Another erg

Traditional Hog travel song, translated from Green Man

 

Mythic Bastionland Myth: The Giants

Any power must always meet a greater power.

  

The Great Glass Mountain - Session Seven

Seghers

 

The Company ate with Boar, his wife Muriel and her bodyservant Glorietta at the great hall of Bravecrossing. It looked like the interior of a tavern, where Boar had spent most of his life drinking, with the addition of wood floors. The food was campaign fare with a few flourishes added by the kitchen servants. Simple ingredients stewed or pan fried with lots of salt. 

 

Glorietta sat away from the table and worked on a strange needlepoint design stretched across a frame while the others ate and went over what they had learned over the last week or two. The Red Mail Mercenaries were still operating in the region, though nobody knew how many were left. They used seals and sigils probably stolen from the herald to pretend royal authority, but were really after the Crown themselves. The Tangled Seer told Boar that the Crown would restore the Glass Knight's spirit. The flying swords were a rogue element, nobody knew if they were working with the mercenaries or if they were a separate group of bandits. They needed straw for their flying machine and had access to other advanced technology. 

 

Riverboat Gambler: Shrine of the Dragon

 

 

I swim in the water. I swim and eat the things that fall off the island. The island floats in the water. I gnaw the underside. The island tilts. The things on the island fall over the side. The rays burn me. The things fall in the water where the rays do not reach them. I eat them. I eat the island. The rays cannot harm me. I swim deep in the water. So deep the rays cannot reach me. I forget which way is up. I swim in a straight line. I breach the surface of the water and leap toward the burning eye. My jaws snap shut.

I am in the tomb. I am on the floor in the sand. There is a sound from the hall of reeds. A scraping sound from the floor painted like the water. Something howls.

I roll over and skate silently toward the sound. I imagine I am swimming.

Riverboat Gambler: Hunter and Hunted

Djemaleddin held his mug hard enough to dent the metal. The bar didn't use horn or wood because it splintered too easily in the clenched fists of overpowered adventurers, but the metal mugs had to be light and cheap so they still crumpled. He was nervous because there was too much clang in the room. Too much power in the opposing force. Fighting men at the bar counter with dates and parties and crowds on their hips. If the sorceress at the riverside window started casting the whole room was within her area of effect. He could make it to the door before the cloud swallowed him but that would mean fighting his way past the group of Sugarmen hauling the idol up to the trade booth. He had to hit first, it was the only way. Get close so she couldn't zap him without catching herself in the blast. Put out damage, force her back. Her comrades would rush him but then she wouldn't FF them, and he could handle them until- 

 

Gordy arrived with the refill. Gordastasia Greengloves, whose green gloves never came off even when she was naked. She put a green-gloved hand on his shoulder from behind and he sank into his seat with an instant scruffed-kitten reaction. Gordy was here. The only "encounter" was with the tray of river fritters and hippo steak and pickles and sweet pink guavarrack and beer so light and crisp and cold you could bathe in it. If he fell before the death spell or the plus ones and twos and threes of the bunched dunecrawlers, she'd catch him.

 

Mythic Bastionland Myth: The Wizard

The wizard is just that. 

He wears a pointed hat. 

The Great Glass Mountain - Session Six

The three Knights of the Company arrived at the Funeral Plain at the end of Spring, on Tax Day. The Green Season drew to a close as the days got shorter and the Great Glass Mountain sent its heralds to collect a share of coins from those of appropriate social standing to trade in currency. The Chain, Horn and Salt Knights would worry about that later. They had a funeral to attend.

They were not the only guests on the funeral plain. They heard it before they saw it. A man screaming. He knelt in front of a half-finished mausoleum, next to the one where the mourners interred the Pearl Knight. He slashed his arms with a flint knife and screamed. Two servitors stood by, wearing coats and trousers but no tunics. They had seen this all before.

 

The mourners emerged from the tombs and flower fields to take Reme's body off the Salt Knight's horse. They unwrapped the chains holding the shroud over him. The Knights saw that the half-finished tomb was roofed with sod atop the stone, in which the mourners planted seeds and bulbs. They had not delivered news of the squire's death but already the tomb was half finished.

 

One of the screaming man's servants handed Tiber a note, scribbled on birch bark paper.

He liked flowers. 

With his newfound clarity and his memories of what came before he emerged from the sea, Tiber recalled that Reme had been raised by the Screaming Seer.

Mythic Bastionland Myth: The Bear

  

The villagers called it the Third Bear because they had killed two bears already that year. 

 

But, near the end, no one really thought of it as a bear, even though the name had stuck, changed by repetition and fear and slurring through blood-filled mouths to Theeber. 

 

Sometimes it even sounded like “seether” or “seabird.”

Riverboat Gambler: Shrine of Sanctification

 

she threw a rock. she didnt want to throw rocks at him because he was her brother. he found a thing in the hard stuff. it was like the gold blades they carried but it was blue in color. he kept it because he had never seen anything like it and he didnt understand it was forbidden. he had no way of knowing because hed never seen it before. the others knew and they caught him swinging it at a cactus and they threw stones at him until he died and she had to throw too even though he was her brother. they were all brothers but they still threw the stones. a large stone fell on him where one of the older brothers threw it and he died.

 

the judges came and burned him and burned the blue knife. the body of her brother burned but the flames made the blue knife glow bluer. the judges sang a song and the tribe went away but when the sun went down the blue glow was still visible. it lit the glass around it so it looked like the little moon had fallen and got stuck in the bled. she thought of her brother and his blade and thanked god.

 

Riverboat Gambler: The Dent in the Shield

Stomp your foot
Flick your sword

Across the body

Of the fat

Thing from the

Jar and toss

With the same 

Motion your shining

Sword to the 

Man waiting to

Catch it so

The blade is

Not lost as

The pincers close

Around your head

You are not

The dancer you

Are the dance 

So if you

Miss one step

The part that

Matters will 

survive

 

The Great Glass Mountain - Session Five

Chain Knight Valenta, Horn Knight Auckland and the Squire Reme rode back to the orchard. They got there at sunset and caught Sparenot and her kids putting away their tools for the day. She invited them inside for dinner and a drink. Valenta sent Kemp and Kana outside to go get grandpa Crucifer, what she had to say wasn't suitable for children. Sparenot wouldn't have tolerated anyone except the queen of the realm issuing direct orders to her children. She feared the worst.

Riverboat Gambler: Three More Tombs

David Roberts

 

The enormous statue had once stood over the river but the river had meandered in the ages since it was erected. The sages at first believed the features had been scraped away. A supernatural confirmation kill in one of the dynastic struggles on the ancient Plain. But it had simply been sculpted like that. Faceless except the open mouth. Without eyes and ears and nose the expression was unreadable despite the carefully sculpted teeth and tongue. It communicated fear or laughter or pain or hunger as the viewer wished. 

 

The engineers clustered around the statue at the neck and prepared to blow it up. The Bronze Head was going to open a new restaurant in Hylem-Xylem, which everyone just called Sugar City now that the rhyming slang of the chaotic argot was out of favor again. They couldn't find another bronze head, or they just didn't believe in doing the same thing over and over again.

  

Gorgojo had never been to Last Autumn. He had the architectural drawings. The sketches of the streetscape and planned exterior facade and interior decor. He knew how much space he had to work with and the maximum weight the structure would support. But he had no real sense of the place to which he would take his prize. He was from the pampa, the sea of grass where a single tree was a sight to behold. A city rising out of an ocean of trees shaded red and purple and yellow and orange sounded like something out of a dream.  

 

The charges would break the head free and the sorcerers would catch it with floating discs. They would bear it to the barge, and from there down the river where it joined with the river Hog. From there to the sea, and then back to the world. Once aboard the ship it was the responsibility of the captain. Gorgojo would, nonetheless, accompany it to its new home. He wanted to look up at it while he drank annix and ate purple worm in mole negro. Then look up further still at the trees.

 

The engineers verified, for a third time, that the charges had been set correctly. The mages promised, again, that they had triple checked the carvings at the base of the statue. Lorem ipsum. The same word repeated again and again without meaning. They had to move soon. The potions would wear off and they'd have to dip into the reserve during the trip back.

 

The heat haze made the tongue dance in the statue's mouth. Gorgojo thanked Logic and The Draftsman for checking his work and lit the fuse.

Riverboat Gambler: Three Tombs

Clearing a tomb of undead was routine. You approached by half light or by day and you used a weapon that burned everything inside. The average grave was no more than a few rooms deep. Enough flasks of alchemist fire generated convection sufficient to cook unliving flesh until it fell off the bone. Skeletons charred into heaps of cremains, wights came gibbering out the entrance to dissolve in the sunlight. Mummies made sounds like a man suffocating in a bag. The loss of scrolls and cloth and delicate artwork was regrettable. So was being chewed for an hour as the potion of troll blood surging through your veins kept you alive just long enough to feed the ghouls.

 

For living things it was the same. Set an ambush at the entrance, smoke them out and slaughter them. 

Tabor fondled his amulets and mouthed a prayer to the Hungry Dungeon before tossing the flask. Eda and Salvador had thrown theirs unlit, a "wet shot" to splash fuel into the corners before igniting. With the God propitiated, he threw.

 

A word came from the cave. He didn't understand it.

 

The burning oil went out. With it, the sun.

 

Eda kindled a Light spell but it would not spark. Without even the moons to light them the dunes looked like waves in some primal watery abyss, awaiting the creation of the world.

 

The sound came again. Tabor realized it was his name, spoken from the mouth of the tomb. 

Riverboat Gambler: Twelve Points of Interest

 

 

She stood at the helm of the riverboat and raced the pike-shaped congregation of egrets above as it flew across the Plain. The cold surged up from the swift water and dueled with the killer heat that scoured the land beyond the river of life. 

 

It passed over her and for a moment she was back.

 

On the lakeshore, one side of her shivering and one side warmed by the bonfire that ate the snow before it touched the beach. The Giantess' heavy body fit to burst out of the dozen animal skins she wore for her wedding, flushed red and blue. The Giantess surging down to embrace her new husband, then exploding when the rebels struck her with the death spell, splattering blood over the freshly crowned King of the Giants. The brawl that erupted in the stands as the Red Ball wizards raised their winestained fists and struck with their wands, battering the Giant clergy with magic missiles that smelled like juniper and blossoms of annix. The adventurers lashing out with poisoned bolts and bullets and strokes of their enchanted blades. The cake leaping in the air with the lifting charge and detonating at chest height to cut down pikemen and ogre doppelsoldner before they could reinforce their deceased mistress and her guests. The brave mage and his stone men who held the wedding ground against all comers until the red dragon incinerated the proceedings. The mage transformed into a red dragon himself in a gambit to escape the consuming flames, holding off the ancient worm in a desperate melee until it tore out his throat. 

 

She couldn't go back. Not to the path of agriculture and the social contract and duty to family and the Goddess. The path that led her family through the ovens and onto the Giantess' table. 

 

No. For her there was only the life of adventure. Men and monsters. Spells and magic swords. Step into the grave and catch the blade with your heart. Strike while your foe's weapon is immobilized and trust the Godman behind to heal you through the damage. Snap back from unconsciousness or from death and leap back into the fight to be struck down again. O Sun chased over the horizon by Great Moon, then chased by the sun, then the moon again.

 

The Halflings lying around on the deck were friends she met on the killing floor after the wedding. She had said nothing in the kitchen when the little alchemist had crawled out from under the cake, black with chocolate and coffee dust after planting the bounding mine inside. He held a gloved finger to his lips and replaced his beret and she let him leave without telling the guards, although another bomb would have meant complete extermination of all the slaves in the holding. For this they named her a Neighbor Man when they found her scavenging magic items on the beach. One of the good humans, who could be trusted to accompany them on adventures. Because for them, it was the same. Their village too had been fired and there could be no return to bass fishing and meat pies and blocks of cheese. The only holes in the earth they could now delve were tombs.

 

She gave a cry, because up ahead were the rapids. The rapids that ate the hulls of ships so the things that lived in the rocks could eat the crew. In an instant the hairy little gluttons came to life. They prepared to repel boarders and to guide the vessel through the cataract into the uncharted waters beyond. They yanked dust tarpaulins off the swivel guns. They pulled on their hoods of dark cloth, leaving only their grinning mouths exposed.

 

The Great Glass Mountain - Session Four

 

The Company woke up atop the sea cliffs to the sound of shouting. It was audible over the sound of waves and it came from the landward side. The Company shouted back, unsure if leaving their camp was wise in the middle of the night, worried it might be another mirage out of time. Kemp shouted that the voice was his grandfather Cruicifer. The Salt Knight ran down the mountain path, Reme and Kemp following him. He rapidly lost his way in the dark, less concerned with following the path than descending quickly, but avoided injury as he hopped down the boulders and rocky slopes. 

At the bottom of the mound was an old guy dressed in nothing but a breechcloth, cloak caught on a gnarled tree root sticking out of the earth. He was trying to climb a boulder and getting nowhere. Kemp rushed past Tiber and went to help him up, but something yanked Crucifer's leg down. The Salt Knight and Reme rushed to help. A gnarled root wrapped around the old man's leg. Tiber leaped down to hack away the root and the old guy was yanked downward into the earth. The Salt Knight grabbed onto him and was pulled with him. The earth closed over them without a sound.

 

Riverboat Gambler: Encounters in Hogman's Plain

Tap the arquebus on the soft sand with enough force that the ball falls down the barrel. After a couple shots the bore will be fouled enough to require the ram, but if the next volley doesn't break the charging Mantids there won't be need for another.

  

Strike the earth 

Shovel the soft mud aside. By nightfall the sand will crawl and the camp must be completely encircled by the little canal to protect you. Damp earth is a portent of danger where you're from. An incipient flood, already too late to stop. On the plain it's a luxury. Perhaps you could rest a moment until it closes over your head. The water is dark. The water is black. 

 

Strike the earth

 

Your payday is cornered in its burrow. A fortified tunnel system with a trapped entrance, suicide to take by frontal assault. You stand on the outcrop over the grave and press your ear to the stone. Pound once, twice with a clenched fist. Brush aside the sand. Draw an X with your charcoal stick. Work fast with the pick, leave time for killing before the sun comes up. Brush the grit from your beard.

 

Strike the earth

 

These ones have ears. You don't have to stretch them out and work two at a time to take the heads.

 

Strike the earth 

 

You wanted to be a cheesemaker.

 

Strike the earth

 

Aim low to skip the ball off the ground. In the dunes the sand swallows the shot but on rock the bullets track flat surfaces. Into the ankles of the laughing men, beneath their manskin shields with metal plates sewn into the fabric.

 

Strike the earth 

Can the Hammerer punish a man if that man is an inert lump of clay? How many blows will it take?

Strike the earth 

The hyena shovels the scrimshaw bone into its mouth. The Caster sees this and lifts a finger to stop it but all the creature has to do is bite down. The cracking sound comes from somewhere inside your body. Inside your head.

 

If it's your leg they won't take you with them.

Strike the earth.

Unknown Armies NPC: Bartholomew Gates

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The Great Glass Mountain - Session Three

Valenta the Chain Knight, Tiber the Salt Knight and his squire Reme arrived at the Seat of Power on Sceptremas, the high holiday where the vassals of the realm renewed their loyalty oaths to the ruler. The Glass Mountain was a series of triangular spires, clad in white limestone so they shined in the summer sun. The jagged range of wavering peaks swept down to a white walled bailey overlooking a harbor at the end of a vast inlet, stretching south for leagues and widening until it was too far to see across from east to west. 

The Knights watched as ships from the Pearl Knight's domed cove tied up at the docks. The largest vessel beached itself on the pebbly beach, where teamsters waited with wooden rollers to haul it out of the water.

 

The Great Glass Mountain - Session Two

Valenta the Lost Knight and Tiber the Salt Knight tumbled down the hill, away from the shadows and away from Reme and the horses. Tiber bashed his head on a rock, leaving him addled and vulnerable. He asked Valenta if the Knight he rescued had escaped the shadows. She told him that it was so. He got up and looked around. The Squire would either double back and try to find them after losing any pursuers, or would climb to a high place to get a better view of the area. The Knights decided to do the same. Tiber was headed into the mountains anyway to find the shining thing atop the spire that he saw from the deck of the wrecked ship. The one the Pearl Knight denied was there.

The Lost Knight opened the locket she carried down the mountain with her, alongside her armor and longsword. Inside was a man she didn't recognize. Or couldn't name. The face was familiar. The white and gold clothing.

mellonbread reviews Starwater Strains

I wrapped the Starwater Strains collection a month or two back. I didn't believe the cover art was real until I actually had the book in my hands. I love Endangered Species but the best stories are squirreled away at the end and there are a lot of duds to wade through. Wolfe At The Door has some bangers, but also several stories I only enjoyed reading in conversation with his other work (and some juvenalia that's only worth reading out of historical interest). I think Strains strikes the right balance of rich-but-approachable. Like in At The Door the stronger entries are strategically placed to prop up the weaker ones so there's never a losing streak, and the longer entries are bookended by shorter ones so the reader never leaves exhausted.

As usual, I'll skip the summaries and go straight to my thoughts.

Mythic Bastionland Myth: The Flying Swords

 

The faithful five

The flying swords

High-hearted, fierce-fighting wind-warriors

The closer they get to the sun

The further they have to fall

Against Surprise?

I've been thinking about surprise attacks in RPGs. Rather than making up caricatures and laundering my opinions through imaginary critics, I'll go straight to listing some games and how they handle the subject.

Gencon 2025 Recap: Pickup Games

I ran two pickup games at Gencon 2025 for some friends. One was a familiar game and scenario, one I had never run before.

Gencon 2025 Recap: Scheduled Games

My Disco Elysium outfit. I promised #monumenthobbies I'd post this to my socials in exchange for a bottle of their Gencon jungle juice paint
 

Rapid fire play reports from my Gencon 2025 games. The scheduled games were reruns of old mellonbread adventures, so I'll just post what happened without digging deep into the context. Click through the links to get the full story about the scenarios.

(I'll do a little editorializing after each one).

 

mellonbread reviews Shotguns vs Cthulhu

Shotguns Vs Cthulhu is a 2012 short story collection by Pelgrane Press, full of pulp action stories where humans fight supernatural forces. I won't be providing full plot summaries because I believe reviews like this are only fun for people who have already read the story.

Bonus Cleric Post: The Black Mariahs

Hutter

They looked ridiculous at a dead run. Sexless yet sensual with protective codpieces and pigeon breasted armor and thighs enormous from carrying it up endless flights of stairs and ramps and cornices. The crowd parted before them. Nobody wanted to get within arm's reach. Even brushing against them was enough to sever fingers, break bones, shave skin off muscle. Their falling bevors were peeled down so they could breathe easy as they ran and one of them had no lips and drooled steam through the gap in their perfect teeth. 

The largest one had no weapon and carried a dented shield painted with a woman embracing a barbed devil with the text HELL CAN'T BURN ME MORE THAN THIS encircling the act. The smallest wore a quilted jacket and had a carrion crawler wrapped around their shoulders like a stole. The bug held on tight with its tarsal claws but resisted the instinct to luxuriantly stroke the exposed mouth with its fluttering tentacles. To kiss and then to feed.

The middle one carried a gun. The inside of the barrel glowed, lit blue and purple by the charge rammed down the wide mouthed bore. An explosion already in progress held back only by the thin layer of sealing wax that kept the bullets from falling out.
 
Ahead of them was the terrace. The urban canyon that separated the Company neighborhoods from the wafer-thin alleys of red lit Elftown on the other side. The big one casually bundled the others into their arms without slowing. They both reached behind the giant's neck and held on to the dragstrap protruding between the gorget and backplate like a tongue of black leather. The brute pushed off with a single foot that left a cracked footprint in the yellow stone.

The moment held suspended in the air was a perk of the job, equivalent or better than the sex and potions and winning fights and the embrace of the Flesh God who drank the pain like water. To feel protected by armor and the thick body of the fighter. To fly. Over the Mulch at the bottom of the swale to the narrow balcony on the other side. Stumbling down the chute to another room that smelled like blood. Bathing, drowning in the heat and sweat of love.

Riverboat Gambler: Baradye the Blue

The edge of the old crater formed a ridgeline steep enough on both sides that the night creatures couldn't climb it. Norte sat on the edge and kicked his legs and watched the monsters crawl over each over like waves lapping at a cliff. They crawled and climbed and often managed to get a third or even halfway up the slope before the unliving pyramid collapsed and sent them all tumbling back into the pit.

He liked to imagine what the corpses did when there were no people for them to slaver at. If they rose out of the sand and stood and stared at the moons until the sun came up again. Perhaps they lived in ordered societies and spoke intelligibly to one another when nobody living was around to listen. He was a Man of the Forest by birth but he was first of his family to leave the path of flower and beast and tree. First to sail in a boat and shoot a gun and use coins dug up from the burning sands to purchase goods. It occurred to him that his father may have been correct regarding man and whether he was patient or plague. That here he was the interloper and the carpet of undead, however unnatural they might seem, were the rightful stewards of the place. 

Two shooting stars flashed before Norte's gaze. The air above the Plain was thick with them. Comets or ships in the void or celestial conflicts between elementals and the things that lurked outside the envelope of air that cushioned the world. The sparks flashed again, closer this time, a blue that hurt his eyes in the dark. Without taking his eyes off the spot he swept his hand across the snaplock of the long gun cradled across his knees. The sound, he hoped, would wake the others without the need to individually clout them to attention or hiss directions. 

Then she spoke to him.

Riverboat Gambler: Settlement Gazetteer

I wrote a bunch of desert tombs full of monsters who prey on the colonists swarming across the narrow habitable band of Hogman's Plain. Here's a basic taxonomy of colonies for them to attack. We can combine them with the river generator from Magical Industrial Gunboats to create the map.

Minidungeon: The Unquiet Tomb

In the distance, shimmering in heat haze so thick they may have been a mere illusion, a lounge of bright white lizards skated across the Plain. Their skin regulated the diffusion of heat and moisture, allowing the particles only to move one way and thereby letting them control their internal temperature in the lethal heat. By day they jogged across the dunes, legs thrashing like pistons driven by the strange energy of glowing crystals. By moonlight they climbed rock formations to sleep out of reach of the night creatures, and it was not uncommon for travelers on the plain seeking similar shelter to surprise such lizards and send them leaping out of rock fissures at top speed. Like the corpse leaping from the grave as the necromancer cast his staff in, soul returned to the place it once called home but thinking only of ruin and the necessity of flight.

The green men who called the Plain home showed the first adventurers how the skin of such a creature could be made into a heavy cloak that would protect the wearer from the heat, or a half-shelter or a tent to rest inside during the day. The adventurers built vast reeking meatcamps and slaughtered the lizards in the thousands to make garments that would permit their further expansion into the deserts of the frontier. The camps tinted the river red and blue and iridescent shades as the menu of creatures disassembled for parts expanded and the effluent from that biological pillage flowed ankle then knee deep. 

Coxinha stomped toward the jagged cliffs at the edge of the plain, wrapped in such a cloak. Her eyes were shielded by protective goggles made from the eyecaps of a Rhagodessa and smeared with a thin layer of smoke colored oil to dim the sun and stop them fogging. The cloak was wrapped around her face below the goggles to stop the superheated air from scorching her lungs. It cooled the air but the feeling of suffocation went nowhere. Slow death in a jar. A capsule confined to the airless void of space.

She couldn't see the ranger up ahead. His cloak was bright white like hers but never seemed to shimmer. Never gave up his position. Ahead of where she thought he was, the entrance. Low tide in the desert pulled the dunes away from the mouth of the cave. A tunnel without ornament but clearly artificial. Unplundered.

Unknown Armies: A Bed of Roses Playtest 3

The year was 1521. The place was Tenochtitlan, head of the Triple Alliance of the Aztec Empire. The island-city had just been conquered following a ninety day siege by a coalition of Spanish Conquistadors and their Nahua-speaking allies from neighboring city-states. Weakened by starvation and smallpox, the surviving Mexica were at the mercy of their conquerors’ insatiable lust for gold. 

Emmanuel Leutze

In a Pochteca Guild Hall, three merchants were confined to a storeroom amid sacks of cocoa beans and bolts of cotton cloth - the majority of the Guild’s liquid wealth, which the Spaniards had no interest in.

• Jumping Spider, Merchant and luxury goods trader 
• Two Legs, Merchant and spy
• Yellow Thorn, Merchant and far-traveler

Their hands were tied and they only had a moment to contemplate what they would do next, before a group of hairy men from the other side of the world hustled them out into the banquet hall.