Rapid fire play reports from my Gencon 2025 games. The scheduled games were reruns of old mellonbread adventures, so I'll just post what happened without digging deep into the context. Click through the links to get the full story about the scenarios.
(I'll do a little editorializing after each one).
(I'll do a little editorializing after each one).
A BED OF ROSES (Unknown Armies 3e)
The Pochteca rapidly figured out how to make deals to enhance their Spanish language skills, and negotiated directly with Captain Domingo. Convinced not to kill any of the Merchants right away, he clouted them to the Cuepopan district, where they had to cross the menagerie shark tank to reach the location of the "hidden treasure". Toppled Cactus the Dwarf persuaded a buffalo from the zoo to charge them, leading to the deaths of several Spaniards. The Conquistadors slew the beast and were slain in turn when the Pochteca shoved them off the bridge, one merchant throwing himself onto the Captain's rapier and carrying him over the side to a flowery death.
A surviving Pochteca disguised himself using the dead Spaniards' clothing and armor, the others played the role of his Nahua allies and slaves. The uniform and stolen beard helped them get past a pistol packing Tlaxcalan looking for Aztecs to shoot. On their way out of the city they passed the Yopico, where Toppled Cactus procured a jewel encrusted taxidermy coat of human skin. A giant burst forth from the temple but was quickly convinced that the merchants were representatives of Xipe Totec the flayed God. They sold the blind giant an eye in exchange for his service and sent him to clear a path out of the city. The primordial giant smashed his way through a crowd of converts clustered around a Spanish priest hanging Indians, clearing a path to the causeway.
Spanish and Tlaxcaltec warriors rushed to fight the monster and the Pochteca pretended to be Indian allies helping their wounded Spanish "master" escape the fray. The disguised group made it to the end of the smashed bridge, which the Conquistadors were using as a dock. Toppled Cactus hopped in a canoe and rowed away without waiting for the others. Cipactli the primordial salamander demanded food and she produced treats for it, persuading the monster to ferry her to shore. The Pochteca sold life years to the Nahua crew of the ship in exchange for Spanish language proficiency (the guy who bought it previously was the one who died). The disguised merchant shouted to the others that the giant salamander had swallowed the lost treasure of Tenochtitlan and boarded one of the Spanish ships. The sailors pushed off and fired at the salamander, but the beast moved too fast and too low to the water. The Pochteca seized the tiller and ran the boat aground on the shore of the lake, escaping the city.
(I ran this one with the all Merchant party to simplify rules teaching, but when one of the players sacrificed himself halfway through the scenario I handed him one of the advanced pregens, the Avatar of the Fool. By that point the group had picked up the rules and he had no problem sinking into the role. I wonder if the flavor of the advanced characters might be worth the additional time spent learning all the powers.)
TREASURE OF BEAVER ISLAND (Unknown Armies 3e)
The burger flippers found the Lost Boys' stolen boat hidden up the beach, along with the path they took up an overgrown hiking trail. At the top they found the cyclist sitting by a red, yellow and white fire, drinking the rest of his beer. They went into the tunnel below and got the drop on the Lost Boys in the sea cave, using an oxygen tank from their medical bag to cause a distraction and capturing the leader before the boys could start shooting, forcing the others to surrender and toss their guns. A sea monster emerged from the underwater shore but Bella kept her cool, feeding it one of the remaining burgers. The beast rolled on its side and let her pet it, then used its long neck to push a submerged treasure chest onto the underground shore. The Survivors sent the boys upstairs and kept the leader under guard as they hauled the treasure out. The teens shoved a stone slab over the tunnel entrance and refused to let the frycooks leave until they freed their leader. Randy rolled his eyes and shoved the rock aside. The treasure chest was full of gold and silver coins from the 1830s, along with the regalia of King James Strang. Despite holding all the cards the Survivors weren't interested in the trinkets, they told the Lost Boys they could have the artifacts. They'd take them back to the island and turn them loose, but they couldn't have their guns back.
There was a semi truck waiting for them on the beach. Fuligin black with a neon cheeseburger pierced by a sword. A giant shirtless man covered in a grid of regular cutting scars and a woman with steel teeth and a sharp suit got out. The woman held a cigar in one hand and an umbrella in the other, which she used to shelter a well dressed Korean guy in a 2,000 dollar raincoat. He introduced himself as the Lord Procurer of the Court of the Burger Queen. Per the agreement Sal signed, the Survivors had some stuff that belonged to him. They had consumed nine Special Orders on their adventure which meant they were in debt, and by right any treasure they found on the job also belonged to the Court. So that they wouldn't feel like their new boss was a total cheapskate, he'd let them keep half the coins and even arrange to have them laundered so they could be sold to legitimate collectors without tripping any laws about antique smuggling, raising their value beyond that of the metal itself. The Lost Boys would be recruited as finders and well taken care of, but Jeb would be executed as punishment for raising a hand to the Queen's vassals. The regalia would be handed over to the Court, that was non negotiable. The Survivors talked the Usurer into sparing the ex-Mormon, in exchange for a smaller cut of the loot. They were desperate but they weren't going to turn over a prisoner for execution in exchange for 20,000 dollars.
The mutated truck driver Nomad rammed the truck twice, weaving nimbly and avoiding gunfire from the arcaheologists in the bed. Two lucky coins weren't enough to outrun him. Bullets pinged harmlessly off his hood, missing the vital organs pulsing in the bucket seat, and Nomad rammed himself beneath the truck, killing himself and totaling the vehicle in the process. The driver survived the impact and the passengers were flung into the soft sand beyond, just short of the dugout where the explosives were stored. They hoovered up four sticks of dynamite and hiked back across the desert to the pit, intent on unearthing the mystery of Djoser Parahu Daoud and then blowing it up. The Vagrant shouted at them to kill themselves, then disappeared into a wadi before they could blast him.
Inside the tomb, the Sun Priest ran into his old colleague Na'Od, expedition leader. He negotiated passage into the deeper tomb, where the power of the Immortal Ego Djoser Parahu Daoud might yet banish the Trickster Moon Rher but Na'Od feared to tread. The Dark Priest immediately scribed the sigil of Alll Mer on the perfect ritual circle in the next room, provoking the expedition leader's murderous rage. The Student shot him in the stomach but he got a spell off at the Dark Priest, which the power of Alll Mer and a looted Talisman of Daoud reflected back at the caster. The priest took the chac chac from Na'Od's liquified body and cut himself on the sign of Gro Groroth, learning the secret of Hurting. Desperate to be healed of his leg injury the Financier knelt and fondled himself on the circle of Sylvian, and learned the art of Healing Whispers. He used his new power to heal the Priest's injury, pounding the last of his whiskey to quiet the voice that whispered in the dollhouse of his own skull.
The Penance Knight in the ritual hall knelt in service to the Dark Priest and accompanied him as his vanguard. The Purifying Talisman opened the great seal and admitted them to the cage. The fossil apes cowered. The things in the pit did not rise out. The doors of the black pyramid in the abyss flung open and the archaeologists stood before the tomb of the immortal ego, a standing sarcophagus. Two Ghouls knelt on the floor, lapping at the black ooze that seeped out. Though eyeless they detected the intrusion to the inner sanctum, then the Knight was on top of them. The Student blew one away with a shotgun blast, the other got a spell off before the Knight chopped it to bits.
The sarcophagus opened.
The ibex horned New God Djoser Parahu Daoud emerged from his tomb and banished the influence of the Moon God Rher. He banished the Knight, turning the skeleton inside to ash with nothing but a thought. The father of Songhai regarded the four petitioners. Three were his children by blood. One was his child by religion. All agreed to serve him except the Dark Priest, Abyssonian by birth but a son of Alll Mer. Daoud gazed at him and tore his mind. He lifted his hand and tore his body. He commanded the others to help kill the insolent Priest. The Sun Priest struck Daoud with his gile, religious conflict resolved. He would not help his revered ancestor slay his friend.
Daoud raised his other hand to slay them both. The Dark Priest raised four sticks of dynamite. Daoud regarded these strange batons with interest. Were they about to cast a spell?
The Sun Priest, Student and Financier ran for the door. The Student didn't make it. Neither did the Dark Priest or the New God. The explosion touched off the Student's firebombs and sent a plume of gasoline that chased the survivors out of the temple.
The power of Alll Mer resurrected the Dark Priest. His mind and body were nearly shattered but he had knelt in prayer to the Crucified Man, God of Sacrifice and to lay down his burden would have depleted the fund of energy that sustained him. Would have made the resurrection entirely pointless. By the power of the Dying and Rising God he summoned the last reserves of his will and brought the splattered student back to life as well.
The temple collapsed. The archaeologists fled and attained the surface. The Student wept at the thought of the treasure that could have been hers.
(I was very concerned about this one running over time. The original thing is made to be tightly packed into four hours and I accidentally booked all my gencon sessions this year for three. We ended up going maybe fifteen minutes over time. The players did a great job sinking into their characters, especially since nobody was familiar with the source material. Thanks to the playtesters on the Jackson Elias server for their suggestions to better teach brand new users what their characters would know about the game world, especially the Old, Ascended and New Gods.)
All three events went great, thanks to everyone who signed up to play! I'll do a separate post for the pickup games.
Spanish and Tlaxcaltec warriors rushed to fight the monster and the Pochteca pretended to be Indian allies helping their wounded Spanish "master" escape the fray. The disguised group made it to the end of the smashed bridge, which the Conquistadors were using as a dock. Toppled Cactus hopped in a canoe and rowed away without waiting for the others. Cipactli the primordial salamander demanded food and she produced treats for it, persuading the monster to ferry her to shore. The Pochteca sold life years to the Nahua crew of the ship in exchange for Spanish language proficiency (the guy who bought it previously was the one who died). The disguised merchant shouted to the others that the giant salamander had swallowed the lost treasure of Tenochtitlan and boarded one of the Spanish ships. The sailors pushed off and fired at the salamander, but the beast moved too fast and too low to the water. The Pochteca seized the tiller and ran the boat aground on the shore of the lake, escaping the city.
(I ran this one with the all Merchant party to simplify rules teaching, but when one of the players sacrificed himself halfway through the scenario I handed him one of the advanced pregens, the Avatar of the Fool. By that point the group had picked up the rules and he had no problem sinking into the role. I wonder if the flavor of the advanced characters might be worth the additional time spent learning all the powers.)
TREASURE OF BEAVER ISLAND (Unknown Armies 3e)
When the cyclist broke the sound barrier and went rocketing across lake Michigan after leaving the restaurant, the Survivors quickly deduced that the burger he ate had given him some mysterious power. They clocked the Lost Boys as armed refugees from a fundamentalist religion, but weren't prepared for an armed robbery. Randy got rid of them without violence when the robbers realized they needed to tighten the search parameters on their magical dowsing compass. The Lost Boys shot out a tire on the Survivors' car and drove down the dirt road to the coast. Randy changed the tire while the other Survivors googled the weird ramblings of the robbers and learned about the treasure of Mormon pirate king James Strang on nearby High Island. With the tire fixed they followed the ex-Mormons down the hill to the beach, taking the last two burgers with them.
The Lost Boys' stolen car was parked outside a cabin on the beach, and the Survivors arrived in time to see the four armed robbers escape in a stolen motor boat, headed for High Island. They cased a nearby house for another boat to steal when Sal Fisher got a call from the mysterious Rosalie. She sent him an invite to the Surf system and he clicked through the TOS without reading it. The app gave him the Uber to Hell ritual and he called the listed number. The car pulled up and the Butterball/Travis Bickle driver let them in. It drove uphill, away from the beach, through a tunnel of trees and into a blasted moonscape of endless bone. The Survivors freaked out but managed not to vomit or start swinging in the car. Portia grabbed the wheel to stop the car from hitting an enormous worm burrowing beneath the bone piles and the car whipped around, doors flying open and depositing the Survivors on the beach of High Island.
The burger flippers found the Lost Boys' stolen boat hidden up the beach, along with the path they took up an overgrown hiking trail. At the top they found the cyclist sitting by a red, yellow and white fire, drinking the rest of his beer. They went into the tunnel below and got the drop on the Lost Boys in the sea cave, using an oxygen tank from their medical bag to cause a distraction and capturing the leader before the boys could start shooting, forcing the others to surrender and toss their guns. A sea monster emerged from the underwater shore but Bella kept her cool, feeding it one of the remaining burgers. The beast rolled on its side and let her pet it, then used its long neck to push a submerged treasure chest onto the underground shore. The Survivors sent the boys upstairs and kept the leader under guard as they hauled the treasure out. The teens shoved a stone slab over the tunnel entrance and refused to let the frycooks leave until they freed their leader. Randy rolled his eyes and shoved the rock aside. The treasure chest was full of gold and silver coins from the 1830s, along with the regalia of King James Strang. Despite holding all the cards the Survivors weren't interested in the trinkets, they told the Lost Boys they could have the artifacts. They'd take them back to the island and turn them loose, but they couldn't have their guns back.
There was a semi truck waiting for them on the beach. Fuligin black with a neon cheeseburger pierced by a sword. A giant shirtless man covered in a grid of regular cutting scars and a woman with steel teeth and a sharp suit got out. The woman held a cigar in one hand and an umbrella in the other, which she used to shelter a well dressed Korean guy in a 2,000 dollar raincoat. He introduced himself as the Lord Procurer of the Court of the Burger Queen. Per the agreement Sal signed, the Survivors had some stuff that belonged to him. They had consumed nine Special Orders on their adventure which meant they were in debt, and by right any treasure they found on the job also belonged to the Court. So that they wouldn't feel like their new boss was a total cheapskate, he'd let them keep half the coins and even arrange to have them laundered so they could be sold to legitimate collectors without tripping any laws about antique smuggling, raising their value beyond that of the metal itself. The Lost Boys would be recruited as finders and well taken care of, but Jeb would be executed as punishment for raising a hand to the Queen's vassals. The regalia would be handed over to the Court, that was non negotiable. The Survivors talked the Usurer into sparing the ex-Mormon, in exchange for a smaller cut of the loot. They were desperate but they weren't going to turn over a prisoner for execution in exchange for 20,000 dollars.
(Most of the "puzzles" in Beaver Island are pretty basic, but even so the players were quick on the uptake. They intuited what was happening with the first clues they got. One of them had read Unknown Armies 3 but was happy to see an alternate spin on the Mak Attax conspiracy. Bella's player had a very different interpretation of the character than the one in my head, envisioning her as a tough but broken down alcoholic rather than a suicidal NEET. So much context about her is encoded in her possessions, which are a single line relegated to the bottom of the sheet. If the words dakimakura and fujoshi mean nothing to you then that doesn't communicate much of anything. I liked the guy's alternate vision and let him play it out rather than trying to explain Homestuck).
SINGING SAND (Fear & Hunger)
The Financier, Dark Priest, Sun Priest and University Student got off the truck under the cold green gaze of the moon and went straight to the archaeologist camp. They sifted through the artifact and personal tents before running into the Alzabo in the dining tent. It tried to bite them but they chased off the cowardly hyena-man with a hail of bullets. Realizing the danger they were in, they looted up on weapons and armor but were confronted by the Vagrant, an insane holy man who told them they should kill themselves rather than live to see the Trickster Moon wreak his vengeance on man. He ran away when questioned. The Student hotwired the truck in the vehicle tent but left it for later. When the archaeologists went back to the truck to warn their colleagues that the valley was infested with monsters and madmen, the trucker was missing. The Soldier said he went to the dig site to scavenge for parts.
The archaeologists checked the dig site but found it deserted, tomb yawning open. They secured gasoline to make firebombs from the wrecked generator and the location of the explosive storage from the foreman's tent. They heard a vehicle skating across the dunes in the distance, raising dust as it seemed to glide over the sand. They decided that dynamite would be useful no matter what they decided to do about the tomb, and went back to get the truck. One of the tents had warding sigils around it that weren't there before. A female voice, belonging to the Virgin Mage, warned them not to come inside. She was happy to give them a purifying talisman if they kept their eyes closed when they took it. The Dark Priest kept his eyes to the ground and crawled inside to take the magic item. Through the tent flap, the others saw the silhouette of an enormously fat woman balanced on two dainty feet, mutated by the love of the Moon God. Disturbed by this and the other visions they had seen, they dug into the beer and cigarettes they looted from the camp. So fortified, they piled into the truck and the Student drove everyone out into the desert toward the dynamite.
The Financier, Dark Priest, Sun Priest and University Student got off the truck under the cold green gaze of the moon and went straight to the archaeologist camp. They sifted through the artifact and personal tents before running into the Alzabo in the dining tent. It tried to bite them but they chased off the cowardly hyena-man with a hail of bullets. Realizing the danger they were in, they looted up on weapons and armor but were confronted by the Vagrant, an insane holy man who told them they should kill themselves rather than live to see the Trickster Moon wreak his vengeance on man. He ran away when questioned. The Student hotwired the truck in the vehicle tent but left it for later. When the archaeologists went back to the truck to warn their colleagues that the valley was infested with monsters and madmen, the trucker was missing. The Soldier said he went to the dig site to scavenge for parts.
The archaeologists checked the dig site but found it deserted, tomb yawning open. They secured gasoline to make firebombs from the wrecked generator and the location of the explosive storage from the foreman's tent. They heard a vehicle skating across the dunes in the distance, raising dust as it seemed to glide over the sand. They decided that dynamite would be useful no matter what they decided to do about the tomb, and went back to get the truck. One of the tents had warding sigils around it that weren't there before. A female voice, belonging to the Virgin Mage, warned them not to come inside. She was happy to give them a purifying talisman if they kept their eyes closed when they took it. The Dark Priest kept his eyes to the ground and crawled inside to take the magic item. Through the tent flap, the others saw the silhouette of an enormously fat woman balanced on two dainty feet, mutated by the love of the Moon God. Disturbed by this and the other visions they had seen, they dug into the beer and cigarettes they looted from the camp. So fortified, they piled into the truck and the Student drove everyone out into the desert toward the dynamite.
The mutated truck driver Nomad rammed the truck twice, weaving nimbly and avoiding gunfire from the arcaheologists in the bed. Two lucky coins weren't enough to outrun him. Bullets pinged harmlessly off his hood, missing the vital organs pulsing in the bucket seat, and Nomad rammed himself beneath the truck, killing himself and totaling the vehicle in the process. The driver survived the impact and the passengers were flung into the soft sand beyond, just short of the dugout where the explosives were stored. They hoovered up four sticks of dynamite and hiked back across the desert to the pit, intent on unearthing the mystery of Djoser Parahu Daoud and then blowing it up. The Vagrant shouted at them to kill themselves, then disappeared into a wadi before they could blast him.
Inside the tomb, the Sun Priest ran into his old colleague Na'Od, expedition leader. He negotiated passage into the deeper tomb, where the power of the Immortal Ego Djoser Parahu Daoud might yet banish the Trickster Moon Rher but Na'Od feared to tread. The Dark Priest immediately scribed the sigil of Alll Mer on the perfect ritual circle in the next room, provoking the expedition leader's murderous rage. The Student shot him in the stomach but he got a spell off at the Dark Priest, which the power of Alll Mer and a looted Talisman of Daoud reflected back at the caster. The priest took the chac chac from Na'Od's liquified body and cut himself on the sign of Gro Groroth, learning the secret of Hurting. Desperate to be healed of his leg injury the Financier knelt and fondled himself on the circle of Sylvian, and learned the art of Healing Whispers. He used his new power to heal the Priest's injury, pounding the last of his whiskey to quiet the voice that whispered in the dollhouse of his own skull.
The Penance Knight in the ritual hall knelt in service to the Dark Priest and accompanied him as his vanguard. The Purifying Talisman opened the great seal and admitted them to the cage. The fossil apes cowered. The things in the pit did not rise out. The doors of the black pyramid in the abyss flung open and the archaeologists stood before the tomb of the immortal ego, a standing sarcophagus. Two Ghouls knelt on the floor, lapping at the black ooze that seeped out. Though eyeless they detected the intrusion to the inner sanctum, then the Knight was on top of them. The Student blew one away with a shotgun blast, the other got a spell off before the Knight chopped it to bits.
The sarcophagus opened.
The ibex horned New God Djoser Parahu Daoud emerged from his tomb and banished the influence of the Moon God Rher. He banished the Knight, turning the skeleton inside to ash with nothing but a thought. The father of Songhai regarded the four petitioners. Three were his children by blood. One was his child by religion. All agreed to serve him except the Dark Priest, Abyssonian by birth but a son of Alll Mer. Daoud gazed at him and tore his mind. He lifted his hand and tore his body. He commanded the others to help kill the insolent Priest. The Sun Priest struck Daoud with his gile, religious conflict resolved. He would not help his revered ancestor slay his friend.
Daoud raised his other hand to slay them both. The Dark Priest raised four sticks of dynamite. Daoud regarded these strange batons with interest. Were they about to cast a spell?
The Sun Priest, Student and Financier ran for the door. The Student didn't make it. Neither did the Dark Priest or the New God. The explosion touched off the Student's firebombs and sent a plume of gasoline that chased the survivors out of the temple.
The power of Alll Mer resurrected the Dark Priest. His mind and body were nearly shattered but he had knelt in prayer to the Crucified Man, God of Sacrifice and to lay down his burden would have depleted the fund of energy that sustained him. Would have made the resurrection entirely pointless. By the power of the Dying and Rising God he summoned the last reserves of his will and brought the splattered student back to life as well.
The temple collapsed. The archaeologists fled and attained the surface. The Student wept at the thought of the treasure that could have been hers.
(I was very concerned about this one running over time. The original thing is made to be tightly packed into four hours and I accidentally booked all my gencon sessions this year for three. We ended up going maybe fifteen minutes over time. The players did a great job sinking into their characters, especially since nobody was familiar with the source material. Thanks to the playtesters on the Jackson Elias server for their suggestions to better teach brand new users what their characters would know about the game world, especially the Old, Ascended and New Gods.)
All three events went great, thanks to everyone who signed up to play! I'll do a separate post for the pickup games.
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