The Colonel's Table: Session Seven

 

Three people died and twenty eight were injured in the blaze. EMS who triaged the scene assumed Jazzy was just another smoke damaged attendee. They pulled him aside and he was worried he'd been identified as one of the perpetrators. They told him he had a heart attack and was lucky to be alive. They didn't find the dimple where the adrenaline autoinjector pierced him through the thigh.

 

At the restaurant on the following night, Fonz excitedly filled Jazzy and Edgar in on what he heard at school: that paranormal investigating fat kid Byron Irons who they fed a special order that one time rescued everyone. They were locked in the ball room but he got the door open somehow and they got out before the place caught fire. He felt bad because he could have saved more people but he was a hero!

 

There was no mention, from the news or from Fonz' classmates, of what happened to the monster in the basement. Or whether the police had discovered the bodies with machete wounds. 

The Colonel's Table: Session Six

At about 9 PM, the Cadre boarded the shuttle bus for the religious retreat Edgar Vespier invited them to the night before. Mick warned them beforehand that they'd be searched, so they each ate a special order prepared by Nadia before she got off work for the night.

• Laine the elderly Fool
• Jazzy the Mad Bomber 
• Jonah Klein, a new recruit to the Colonel's operation

Like an undercover cop doing coke to fit in with hoodlums, Klein told himself that eating a mouthful of delicious fried chicken was an unpleasant but necessary step on the road to his dream of animal liberation.

 

The bus was full of people from the same rung of society as the Cadre. Drug addicts, petty criminals, night shift workers at dead end jobs. They recognized a couple of them. The fat kid who they fed a Special Order the night before. Also Jazzy's cousin Lil' Skeez, the Soundcloud mumble rapper who he rescued from the ICE raid on the trailer park.

 

Unknown Armies - Holiday in Caledonia Playtest 2 Part 4

The rest of the mercenaries arrived with Drusus the next day. There were ten of them, a mix of Latins and Britons and Saxons. The Veterans quartered them in the horreum because it was the biggest building that could be enclosed with a door and heated with a fire. The women of the colony didn't trust the strange men to sleep in the same houses as their children, even if their leader was a member of the family. That leader, Drusus, sat in council with the other Veterans in his father Rusticus' house. Together they planned the raid on the Horned Ladies. The colony didn't have enough food for everyone for the whole winter. They needed to steal some cattle.

 

The Colonel's Table: Session Five

 

Edgar woke up early to someone banging on the door of his apartment. He decided to go back to sleep but they wouldn't leave him alone. He went to see who it was and found the pair of occult detectives who pestered Thad at the register the night before. They pretended to believe he was a fellow occult detective investigating the KFC. He tried to turn them against the Church and the Court. They went along with his bullshit and encouraged him to share paranormal information. Manny, the fed with a combover, tried to hypnotize Edgar, who shook his head and snapped out of it after losing a few seconds. The guy lost his cool and started yelling, trying to intimidate him. The disgraced detective kept his mouth shut and Sebastian took over. They didn't need to know anything Edgar could tell them about alternate universe portals or giant bugs. They just needed a Special Order. Either he delivered them one, or they'd put in a tip that Ada Kallio was diverting drugs to feed her painkiller addiction. He had a day to decide, after which she'd leave the hospital in bracelets.

 

Riverboat Gambler Masterpost

Lear

 

LADIES and GENTLEMEN

For crimes INCLUDING but NOT LIMITED TO  

CANNIBALISM

SLAVE TRADING

GROSS violation of the moral law in service of a PROSCRIBED DEITY

And his FAILURE to appear before this body and give account of these accusations

The GENIUS LOCI is proud to announce

(PAID FOR by generous contributions from POTION ADDICT, the WORSHIPFUL COMPANY OF THE MATACHINS, the FRIENDS OF NATURAL JUSTICE, and the TOWER OF PAIN)

A bounty of FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND SILVER PIECES

On the outlaw ALDRICH BRISBANE

(The VILLAIN last seen absconding to HOGMAN'S PLAIN)

DEAD

OR

ALIVE

 

Unknown Armies - Holiday in Caledonia Playtest 2 Part 3

  

Martial walked through a field of gold, one leg of flesh and another of living wood. He was no longer crippled, he walked faster than the other Veterans. When he had a good lead he turned and showed them what was in his hands. One held a fistful of seeds, which he let fall to the earth. The other a bronze blade. They immediately realized what he intended and ran to stop him. He raised the knife to his own throat and the faster they ran the farther away he got. He cut his own throat and fell to the earth and bled. A crown of grain grew around the corpse as his blood watered the earth. 

The Colonel's Table: Session Four

 

Jazzy woke up to a whistling sound. Someone in the trailer park where he lived raised a hue and cry to indicate law enforcement presence. He rolled out of his hammock and peered out the window to see what was up. The porch lights of the assembled double-wides showed bulky figures in a mix of uniforms and pieced together body armor with no identifying markings. It was an ICE raid.
 

A trio of armed and armored feds, one fat one tall one short, banged on the door of his trailer. He kept his cool. He had no obligation to answer the door or allow them entry. One of his two fraternal cousins who he shared the unit with likewise kept his cool. The third guy booked it. He ran out the back door and the three DHS goons, on hearing the sound of the door slam, ran around the manufacture home to pursue him. Which signaled to Jazzy that this was a random raid, because they didn't post up behind the building before knocking like they would if they were serving a warrant. Jazzy's cousin, a soundcloud noise artist with a studio above a martial arts dojo in the city, made it across the yard before the tall and short guy tackled him. The fat guy swaggered in after them, and in the light of the streetlight on the other side of the fence he noted the strange tattoo on the back of his neck.

Jazzy didn't want to deal with this shit, but he couldn't just let his boy get arrested. The guy was a citizen, as far as he knew, but he would undoubtedly babble and say something incriminating about drugs or somesuch. Thinking quickly, the mad bomber opened his bag of tricks and threw together a crude noisemaker that would simulate the sound of gunfire with a series of bangs. He crept outside and tossed the device to the other side of the park. It landed and went off, sending the tall and short ICE hoods diving for cover. The fat guy turned imperiously and dared the unseen shooter to fire. Either tall or short fired his weapon in the direction of the bangs and the other two followed suit, lighting up an unfortunate airstream across the aisle from Jazzy's residence. The goons left Jazzy's cousin cuffed on the ground, and didn't notice when the bombmaker crept out and rescued his wayward relative.

Riverboat Gambler - Music

Dali

 

The Priestess who handed the Thresher an enormous loaf and a tureen of spiced lentils told him the thing in his heart was a gift. He said nothing to her but she saw through him into his heart. The Goddess would not take it away like she would a physical wound. It hurt but it separated him from the things that squirmed and writhed in the vaults beneath the Tower of Pain. The ones which, turned loose, would mindlessly kill and kill until driven back into the cave with holy sigils and command words.

Animals had instinctive fear of man. A sword was no different from a stinger or a claw and from the moment they could walk, they ran. Not so for children, even the children of monstermen. They associated creatures larger than themselves with smiling faces and food. They rushed toward the armored figures as they came through the door, chirping excitedly, expecting companionship and play- At what point had he himself gone from expecting companionship and play to accepting the splash of arterial blood on his face without flinching? He recalled playing with pillbugs in the straw. Imagining he rode a dragon. He recalled also how he had set a trap for the cat under the milk pail. He had tormented ants until they flew into a rage and killed their sisters. If others were cruel to him he was crueler still. Perhaps there was no transition. Was that an excuse he made to himself? Did he say he was born rotten because he couldn't accept that he had allowed it to happen? A click came from the big board. Below the image of the bread and the sword, the display ticked over. The Thresher's name appeared in the order of precedence next to his new score. The Goddess' love came freely but her approval was hard won. It filled the Thresher in an instant. Stronger than beer and the taste of buttered bread. Stronger than the bullet in his heart when he thought about what he had done to get his name there.

 

Riverboat Gambler Session Twelve

Diefenbach

On one side of the flooded room

• Roddy Applecreek
• Datura the Elf, still giant from the Potion of Growth
• Jack Fatherd
• Alice Woodfingers the Mower and her two Grain Clerics
• A reduced force of Hsigo
• A Shambling Mound made of ANFO
• Five Giant Bats and six Giant Woodpeckers to carry them 

On the other side

• Baradye the Blue Dragon
• Aldrich Deathdragon, transformed into a smaller Blue Dragon
• Poliouchos the Dwarf, Holy Slave of Quickness
• A Disciple of Zezyan
• 28 desert warriors pledged to the Disciple

 

At the heart of it all, the Star Spawn.

Riverboat Gambler Session Eleven

Roberts

 

Reunited with their boats, flush with the treasure of the massacred giants and concerned about dragon-Aldrich's considerable lead, the Gamblers met with Alice and Captain Leadcutter and planned their next move. They had five giant bats and six giant woodpeckers to carry them into the High Plain. Besides the Gamblers they decided to take Alice, two low level Grain Clerics, the Shambling Mound full of ANFO, a Scarecrow and a spare bomb. They'd ride the flying animals while the Hsigo scouted the area around the party. Roddy prepared a handful of grenades and distributed them to the Hsigo so they could bombard targets from the air. 

 

Encanta stared into the middle distance. The Gamblers thought she was having an absence seizure. Then she snapped her head forward and spoke in a voice they didn't recognize. The Gamblers owed a debt service payment on their cool ship. There was a little matter of 100,000 SP pending.

 

The Gamblers recognized this phenomena. The financial concern to whom they owed repayment had sold the debt to the Repo Men, an adventurers' guild like Iron Cup or Potion Addict. They used long range possession to enforce repayment even when debtors journeyed to the furthest realms. Datura negotiated the Repo Man down from 10K to 3,000 silver pieces, which she paid out of her own pocket. The Halfling pressed her face to the stone block they used as a table and slurped up the coins, which never made it down her throat into her stomach. Then she snapped back into her own body. Why did her mouth taste like sand? 

 

The Colonel's Table: Session Three

On the third night, Fonz Trepanier kept the police busy at the front of the house while the rest of the cadre went over the facts of the case with Nadia in the breakroom.

• Edgar, disgraced cop and Epideromancer
• Jazzy Boulevard, ex-con and mad bomber
• Laine Kornell, elderly bombe addict and Fool
• Thad Albright, juvenile delinquent and Wage Slave

By this point Laine's eyesight had deteriorated completely, nerves destroyed by the methanol he ingested two nights before. Nadia had anticipated this. She had put in the order to "Organs in Mains" on the night of the incident and had a Fedex package with the answer inside. A pair of lenses, like jewelers loops or old cameras. No digital components, no indication that they were meant to replace the human eye. Nadia steeled herself and asked Laine if he was ready for enucleation. The old Fool crushed the last of his catalytic converter dust and snorted it. It was a miracle he had somehow drove to work in this state and now he was ready to solve the problem. Even though, he insisted, his eyes were fine.

Unknown Armies - Holiday in Caledonia Playtest 2 Part 2

 

It was winter in Caledonia. Martial was still learning to cope with only one leg and defense of the Veteran Colony fell to the other three men.

• Rusticus the Latinized Barbarian
• Tarquin the Wine Merchant
• Valerian the Street Thug 

Valerian slept in the loft of his house alongside his three children, roof held up by the ancient menhir around which they built the drystone structure with its roof of sod and heather. He woke to find menhir and roof transformed into an enormous toadstool, under which sat a peg legged man with an enormous nose. Peg Leg told Valerian that he was here to help him. Ever since his wife Finngaula died, the old man had just been going through the motions for the sake of the kids. The fairy would take care of them. They'd be safe from everything that was about to happen if he just handed them over.

 

Valerian asked what was about to happen. The goblin showed him torches burning in the woods, men in mail and saxon helms, and a mountain rising up to crush the settlement. And he told Valerian that this next part wasn't him, honest.

The house was on fire when Valerian woke up.

The Colonel's Table: Session Two

 

Two burger warriors showed up for work that night, accompanied by two new recruits to the Cadre.

• Laine Kornell, elderly bombe addict
• Thad Albright, wage slave
• Jazzy Boulevard, ex-con
• Edgar, disgraced cop

Mick and Nadia were off that night but the restaurant was fully staffed without them. Orlock Bonnavera, Ozzy Packard and Fonz Trepanier joined the quartet for a total of seven frycooks. When the restaurant was overstaffed like that, it meant someone was being on a dangerous mission while the others held down the fort. Orlock took the four out back for a "smoke break" and explained what needed doing. He shouted like he was still in the restaurant and trying to be heard over the endless shrieking and beeping of the machines. It was just how he talked.