The Old King jealously hoarded his Wishes. He raised a head of Cow
Dragons and accumulated a strategic reserve of their Wish granting cheese in hidden
caves. When he wanted to make a Wish he gave precise instructions to an
expendable cultist screened for absolute loyalty, then fed her bite
after bite until she either got lucky or instantly died (at which point
he called up the next victim in line). This proved unreliable because
the cultists came from enclosed orders
who revered him as a God. As much as they wanted to do what he said,
they couldn’t resist wishing for what they actually wanted, which was
usually “be impregnated by the King” or “be lifedrained by the King in a
moment of timeless sustained ecstasy.” It took a lot of work and a lot
of dead cultists and he only messed with it when there was no way to get
what he wanted through cunning or brute force.
During the rebellion the Cow Dragons were slaughtered in their kraals by a strain of psychic encephalopathy brewed in the plague pits of the Goblin alchemists, bringing an end to the whole program.
Or so everyone thought.
During the rebellion the Cow Dragons were slaughtered in their kraals by a strain of psychic encephalopathy brewed in the plague pits of the Goblin alchemists, bringing an end to the whole program.
Or so everyone thought.
THE BURNED LAND
The wasteland beyond the Bloody Marches,
So named for its sweltering red deserts and periodic fire events. Our
story takes us to a remote oasis in the outback, so isolated that even
telepathy cannot reach the dreaming minds of its inhabitants.
In the center of the oasis is an island covered with eucalyptus trees, the only ones that didn’t explode in an oily fireball during the last burn. The occasional hoots and trills of Baboons echo across the bled.
A single Bunyip swims circuits in the isolated lake surrounding the island. The beast entered the pool when a rare rainstorm turned the surrounding sand plain into a network of rivers and streams, then dried up. The monster gobbled up a couple primates but was nearly beaten to death by the largest monkey it had ever seen, and hasn’t tried to attack the troop since. It is desperate and will attack anything else that enters the water.
In the side of the island is an entrance to room 7 of the cave. The trees conceal not only the baboons, but a sinkhole leading down to room 1 of the cave. Scattered in the undergrowth are the skeletons of monkeys who died instantly from cheese poisoning.
THE CHEESE CAVE
The cheese cave is cool and dry compared to the suffocating humidity
outside. Five Raggidys and nine Shocker Lizards inhabit the cave system.
1: Stacks and stacks of Cow Dragon cheese wheels. A hole in the ceiling allows Baboons to enter the room and steal bites from the stacks. The cheese nearest the hole is putrefying due to the heat and sunlight.
(Since it’s important to the adventure, here are the full range of Cow Dragon cheese effects).
2: Cow pen. Two Cow Dragons live here. They eat from enchanted troughs, spoils from the King’s war against the Cave Elves. Originally used to feed slaves, they fill themselves with nutritious lichen using a Create Food enchantment. The Raggidys use enormous pails to collect gouts of boiling milk from the Dragons.
The poor beasts don’t have room to fly in the cramped chamber, and have eaten so much that they can’t fit through either of the doors. They are territorial and standoffish but can be approached without violence by adventurers who mimic the Raggidys.
3: The creamery, where Cow Dragon milk is prepared into cheese. The Raggidys perform the whole operation with pails of milk gathered in 2. They pasteurize the cheese to give it a longer shelf life using electricity from a captive Shocker Lizard, the same one that parthenogenically reproduced to fill the cave with clones of itself.
4: Compost pile. Cow dung slopped out by Raggidys. Amid the mulch are bones of cultists who rolled instant death before scarfing cheese granted them a wish.
5: Zoog tunnels, big enough only for Gnomes and Halflings to squeeze inside. Intruders are outflanked and stabbed with poison daggers, then eaten. At the end of the tunnel network is a room full of things the little rodents stole from the Ragiddys and from the few inhabited places they passed on the way to the dungeon.
- 7,000 GP in assorted coins and gems
- a +1 suit of Chainmail
- Scroll of (hold animal, create water, cure light wounds (cause light wounds), invisibility to animals, faerie fire)
- Scroll of (wizard lock, ventriloquism, detect invisible, continual light (continual darkness), contact higher plane)
- Scroll of (telekinesis, clairvoyance, read languages, feeblemind, pass-wall)
Most of the wine is undrinkable, aged into vinegar. Two fortified bottles are still viable and worth 150 GP each.
7: Cave entrance. The room ahead is brightly lit by a candelabra on the table, illuminating busy Raggidys and sparking Shocker Lizards clinging to the walls.
MONSTERS
BABOONS
A troop of twenty Baboons live on the island. They followed the smell of cheese to the island and got stuck thanks to the Bunyip in the lake. A couple were killed by the Raggidys, one by the poison blades of the Zoogs, and two by the instant death poison from the cheese. They recognize that the cheese is bad for them but there’s little else to eat on the island except each other. A few have had their wishes granted already.
RAGGIDYS
There are five Raggidys in the Cheese Cave. They milk the Cow Dragons, clean out the cow enclosure, make cheese from the milk, and keep the cheese tasting room tidy in case the Old King ever comes back. Anyone who isn’t the Old King or part of a religion dedicated to his self aggrandizement they attack on sight.
A troop of twenty Baboons live on the island. They followed the smell of cheese to the island and got stuck thanks to the Bunyip in the lake. A couple were killed by the Raggidys, one by the poison blades of the Zoogs, and two by the instant death poison from the cheese. They recognize that the cheese is bad for them but there’s little else to eat on the island except each other. A few have had their wishes granted already.
- One wished for more females to mate with. That’s why there are twenty baboons in the troop instead of fourteen.
- One ate the cheese and wished it was a larger ape. Stats as Gigantopithecus.
- One wished it could escape the island without harassment from the Bunyip and gained the power of flight. Stats as Winged Ape.
- One wished for food. The troop ate it.
RAGGIDYS
There are five Raggidys in the Cheese Cave. They milk the Cow Dragons, clean out the cow enclosure, make cheese from the milk, and keep the cheese tasting room tidy in case the Old King ever comes back. Anyone who isn’t the Old King or part of a religion dedicated to his self aggrandizement they attack on sight.
Ferrari
ZOOGS
Four Zoogs have excavated a tunnel network on the island. They came to make wishes using the cheese but, having never tasted it before, did not realize they were lactose intolerant and unable to benefit from its effects. Nevertheless they have found a way to control its random magical effects. Sort of. They coat their daggers in whey stolen from the cheesemaking operation, which inflicts either the diarrhea or instant death effect.
Herbert the Zoog is a Level 6 mage, with Protection from Evil (MU), Detect Magic (MU), Invisibility, Invisibility, Protection from Evil 10’ Radius (MU), and Infravision memorized. His protection spells keep the Raggidys and Candlestick away and the Lizards have learned not to enter the tunnels. He can cast from the scrolls in room 5 if it benefits him to do so (Wizard Lock to secure a door, Feeblemind to disable an enemy mage, etc).
Zoogs are cunning, willing to cut deals with other beings but mistrustful and prone to betraying their allies. They want Wishes to help them in their losing war with the Lion Women of Nyima, but have no way to guarantee that anyone who eats the cheese will wish for what they want. This makes them difficult but not impossible to deal with.
Four Zoogs have excavated a tunnel network on the island. They came to make wishes using the cheese but, having never tasted it before, did not realize they were lactose intolerant and unable to benefit from its effects. Nevertheless they have found a way to control its random magical effects. Sort of. They coat their daggers in whey stolen from the cheesemaking operation, which inflicts either the diarrhea or instant death effect.
Herbert the Zoog is a Level 6 mage, with Protection from Evil (MU), Detect Magic (MU), Invisibility, Invisibility, Protection from Evil 10’ Radius (MU), and Infravision memorized. His protection spells keep the Raggidys and Candlestick away and the Lizards have learned not to enter the tunnels. He can cast from the scrolls in room 5 if it benefits him to do so (Wizard Lock to secure a door, Feeblemind to disable an enemy mage, etc).
Zoogs are cunning, willing to cut deals with other beings but mistrustful and prone to betraying their allies. They want Wishes to help them in their losing war with the Lion Women of Nyima, but have no way to guarantee that anyone who eats the cheese will wish for what they want. This makes them difficult but not impossible to deal with.
THE MAKING OF
This dungeon was created for the Somethingawful FATAL and Friends thread to show off the Basic Fantasy RPG Field Guide Omnibus. I polled the thread to assemble a list of monsters and used them to populate a small dungeon.
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