Unkown Armies Unnatural Entity: New Cop

STOP, OR I’LL SH-

It fired before it finished the sentence. The muzzle flash lit it up. Blue and featureless and shiny. It fired again and anything it said after that was swallowed by the gunshot in the confined space. 

Get an inflatable man. A blowup doll. A pool toy with arms and legs. Fill it with liquid. Crown it with the cap of a police officer killed in the line of duty. Summon a demon, any summoning spell will do. The summoned entity animates the inflatable as a host body. It does what you tell it.

New Cops aren’t strong, fast or clever but they can use guns. They have trouble with any task that isn’t shooting things. They view the summoner as the lawful authority and anything that challenges that authority’s monopoly on violence provokes a violent response. Left to their own devices they are apt to brandish weapons at random passers by, interpreting their innocuous actions as a threat.

New Cops can speak. They have a deep, wheezing voice. They shout canned phrases while attacking. SITUATION UNDER THREAT. 1199 OFFICER NEEDS ASSISTANCE. DROP THE GUN. There’s a little humanity left in them, though not the good kind. They laugh when they hit their target. They swear incredulously when things go wrong.

New Cops are fragile, unless you make them out of kevlar. Anything that punctures or cuts will hole their membrane and drain the fluid out. Bullets make dainty little entry wounds that leak slowly. Shoot a New Cop center mass and the volume of water stops the projectile. Aim for the thinnest parts of the body and the exit wounds will rapidly exsanguinate the entity. You can put armor on them but it makes them even more wobbly and uncoordinated.

New Cops “die” when they lose all their fluid, the demon banished. If the toy is patched and refilled, the cap replaced and the summoning ritual repeated, it summons a new New Cop.

New Cops swell up when hit by magick. It’s horrible. The bloating subsides fast, but hit them with enough spells in quick succession and they pop.

Knock off a New Cop’s hat and it goes wild, ignoring any instructions the summoner gave it and firing at anything that moves.

 

WHAT YOU HEAR

The New Cop ritual turns all your unfocused and uncontrolled demon summoning spells into disposable assassins. They’re smart enough to track down a specific person based on a description given by the summoner and dumb enough that you can’t trick them by talking your way out.

The hat is the limiting reactant. Police don’t die on duty all that often, usually in traffic accidents. Sometimes they get buried in full dress uniform, sometimes they leave the cap on the coffin until the family takes it home.

The Colonel’s Secret Coterie snatched up a couple Colonel Sanders promotional pool floats back in 2018. They hold the horrible things in reserve for operations where they need serious firepower and serious intimidation. The sight of the lumbering, sloshing entities with hunting shotguns clutched in their flabby mitts can break un-hardened cabals without firing a shot.

The dream is to animate a parade float. Something huge with the tiny hat balanced atop the bulbous head. At that scale the hands can barely move, let alone lift a weapon large enough to hold. The thing drags itself around, groaning demands for submission and leaving big fluid trails as it smothers its targets beneath a building-sized blanket of latex.