Unknown Armies Play Report: WHERE THE HELL IS ADRIAN LEBARGE?

Four perverts from the Sect of the Naked Goddess, a Chicago based sex cargo cult, assembled in the conference room at the Pagan Video building for a briefing by ageing but still thoroughly MILFtacular high priestess Daphne Lee.

I got a message from a con artist I know. Says she found a treasure we’ve got to have. It’s a little thin, but she’s brought us some winners in the past.

Meet her in the bar at the hotel Basilica in Poolside, FL. 6:30 PM. I handled the reservations, if you have to stay the night or just need a place to charge. Figure out what she found, and if it’s something we want, get it. Try not to spend all the money. If she holds out for more and won’t move, kick her ass and take it. I don’t want you killing her unless you have a damn good excuse.

And watch out for the locals. Poolside’s a funny place, and I doubt you’ll be the only chargers there.

 On the team:

• Aura, as in "Cougar With a Threatening"
• Claude/tte Squish, Killer Femboy
• Kitty Hussman, Sectsy and She Knows It
• Organ Nick, Gachimuchi Wrestler

The three pornomancers and accompanying transvestite caught a flight to Miami. If they got straight in the rental when they touched down, they'd make Poolside in time for their 4:30 check in. They had two rental cars, a couple handguns, props and set dressing for pornomancy charging, and 20,000 dollars in bribe money.

Arrival in Poolside took the group through Rustle, a census designated place off the 29. Kitty pulled over in the battered Civic, while the rest of the group continued to the hotel in their rental BMW. She found an excuse to loiter at the gas station while a strange woman came out of a room at the Super8, which had clearly been broken into. The old lady grinned at her, got into a blue Ford Pinto and drove away. Kitty checked the hotel room. The lock was broken and someone had searched the place. It looked like whatever they were looking for had already been removed before they arrived.

The rest of the group checked into the hotel. Aura went swimming, Claude/tte went to the arcade, and Nick went to the bar. He struck up a conversation with the swarthy maintenance man Montanya, and learned that Adrian in her alias Veronica Saldana had worked as a maid for a wealthy retiree in the upper ring of the City. Claude/tte was in drag, and attracted the attention of the most lecherous of three police officers who swaggered into the hotel lobby. Nick arrived in time to give Claue/tte a plausible excuse to leave. Aura guessed that the cops were magic users, probably fulminaturges. Kitty arrived at the hotel and got the police chief's phone number. Up in the hotel room, Claude/tte set up the team's IMSI catcher. The next time the chief used the phone, he'd be able to spy on the call.

 

The team collated the information they'd gathered and set up for the meeting with Adrian. 6:30 rolled around. Then 6:45. At 7:00 they realized Adrian wasn't showing up. They phoned Daphne Lee, who confirmed that Adrian's cell was either disabled or sending calls straight to voicemail. They'd have to find her the old fashioned way.

The team split up. Aura and Claude/tte went to see if anyone at the hospital had seen Adrian. They didn't find anyone, but they learned about a group of local notables called the Sundowners who might know how to find a missing person... if the police couldn't help. Nick and Kitty went to pester the guy Adrian worked for - a retiree named Joshua. He told a bunch of obvious lies about how he hadn't seen her in a while, but also she was staying at the Super8 in Rustle. They drove back out to the motel to investigate. Rather than go back into the motel where she'd already been spotted, Kitty slipped into the nearby Catholic church. The limestone dolmen was filled with candles, on the floor and stuck to the ceiling. Kitty got into a religious debate with the priest, Father Memnon, who wasn't a fan of her wizard religion. 

 

The stingray the team set up earlier caught a phone call between Police Chief Crane and an unknown number. Crane identified the cultists to the caller as a possible solution to a problem they shared, and suggested that he apply pressure to get a favor out of them.

Over in the hotel, Nick made little progress trying to charm information out of the maid, and just bribed the front desk with a thousand dollars from the group's stash. He didn't tell Nick much that he didn't already know about Adrian, but did learn that Montanya and Seminole Joe, owner of the local Hard Rock Cafe, were frequent guests in Rustle. They sometimes clashed with the police at the taco truck Lanterna behind the gas station, although the cops rarely challenged them since it was outside the City.

Kitty offered the priest 5,000 in bribe money if he would tell her what he knew about Adrian or her alias Veronica Saldana. Father Memnon told her that Veronica was a con artist, working as a maid for Joshua in hopes of honey trapping him and taking his money. She found some kind of artifact or treasure and that's probably why she contacted the Sect. Also, if they knew what was good for them, the cultists would steer clear of Seminole Joe, since he was an extremely effective killer and hated wizards.

 

Aura and Claude/tte went to shake down the old guy. Joshua gave up a lot of information with a gun in his face. Adrian got a page of some book from that public works guy Montanya, who found it in the pores under the City. Said it had "The Goddess" in it. She slipped up and got caught by the Sundowners. Berg and Fiameta were interrogating her in the back of the Neptune Society crematorium. Joshua wasn't brave enough to rescue her, even with his ability to control wild animals he anticipated being shot for his trouble. But he'd help the Sect cultists if they thought they could do it.

Kitty and Nick were stopped on the way back to Poolside by a police car, driven by Chief Crane and one of his officers. He told the cultists they were going to do a job for him: he needed a guy in Poolside "convinced" to vacate his home. If the players didn't cooperate, he'd beat them senseless and either arrest them or eject them from the town. Kitty agreed to help, but only if he gave her a place to film a movie. Crane gave her a key to Gelatomb, an ice cream shop shaped like a mausoleum in upper Poolside.

The team called the Basilica to see if they could get Montanya on the line. The night manager told them that they needed to tell Montanya to fuck off. He needed to stop using the hotel's basement to access the pores beneath the City - he should use the Gelatomb entrance if he wants to get into the caves so bad.

The group gathered outside the Neptune Society for a nighttime raid. The same blue Pinto was parked in the front. The group went around back to the loading dock, and Joshua mind controlled a rat into unlocking the door. They burst in, weapons and spells at the ready. Fiameta (the old woman who drove the Pinto) and Berg were playing dominoes atop a coffin.

Nick tried to intimidate Berg into backing down. Berg pulled a gun, but not fast enough. The Pornomancers used magick to stun the elderly pair and laid into them with knives, guns and fists. Berg fled the onslaught, Fiameta collapsed, a bullet in her lung, but grabbed Claude/tte by the ankle before passing out. The demon riding Fiametta swapped bodies into the feisty femboy, possessing him. Claude/tte followed Berg into the next room, where the pair opened up a casket full of heavy weapons. Nick levered open the casket the old ladies were playing dominoes on, and found Adrian inside - unconscious, covered in piss and vomit, but alive. He picked her up and the three Pornomancers ran out of the room, before Berg and the possessed Claude/tte could machine gun them. They all hopped in Joshua's ride and got the fuck out.

They were down a man, they'd spent 6,000 dollars of bribe money, the police were going to kick their ass, and they didn't have the treasure, but the Pornomancers had found where the hell Adrian Lebarge was, and even rescued her before she suffocated to death.